The stage is my home
The stage is my home avatar

I played my first gig in San Diego.jpg (1 MB)

“This is where I played my first gig in San Diego”

On the side of Winston’s in Ocean Beach, San Diego, CA

I have played ~20 different instruments in concert. I spent more time in the fine arts building at my university than I did in the computer lab, despite being a computer science major. I was part of the wind symphony, the orchestra, a small jazz band, as well as playing music for countless plays and musicals including a couple of world premiers. I have been living and breathing music for as long as I can remember.

Then I graduated college and it all stopped. I couldn’t find people to play with. I had no motivation. I was depressed and not playing music made me even more so. When I did meet other musicians I was too reclusive and insecure to actually play with them. When I would go see live music, I was bitter and jaded. “Pfft. I’m better than that. Why are they up there playing and not me? I could take them” I would say to myself. Truth is, I knew why they were up there and not me. Its because they were actually DOING. And I was jealous.

For five years I went on like this. Becoming more and more bitter. Doubting my musical ability. Doubting my drive and my commitment to what I thought was my passion, my life’s goal. I finally started to turn my life around, and started to find people to play with.

I ended up meeting a piano player at a spoken word showcase event. We talked for a bit and had SO much in common. We were super excited and decided we HAD to play together. I didn’t know it at the time, but the next day he booked us our first gig… before we had even played together. He just trusted that we would work well together. And if not, he’d play the show solo. We ended up getting in 3-4 rehearsals before the gig. It was intense and quick.

Before I knew it I was on stage. And then that familiar feeling came back to me. That feeling of excitement and calmness. That pure joy of opening yourself up on stage and giving your being to your art. I was home.

We have been playing together for 4-5 months now and its going amazing. We play music 5-6 nights a week. I am happier than I ever have been. I am able to enjoy other bands and find camaraderie with other musicians. I am no longer jealous, but instead admire and am inspired by them. It is a wonderful thing to have music back in my life.

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One Response to The stage is my home
The stage is my home avatar

  1. Liat says:

    That’s how I feel when I’m facilitating a workshop. The combination of calm and excitement – I’m home. I feel fortunate that I stumbled into it early. I hope everyone eventually figures out what their purpose and passion is.

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